Apathy

I keep trying to convince myself that every day is a new beginning, and that I can shed my old ways like the snake sheds his skin.

I know I have the power to make the positive changes I crave; I have the knowledge, I have the tools. I have the desire. But yet, I don't do it. Why?

I don't know if it's symptomatic of depression. Am I depressed? Or am I just apathetic? I don't know if what I feel is a temporary lack of desire, or a permanent one.

I once read that in laboratory tests, it was proven that dogs, when tortured long enough, will stop resisting and at some point lay there, and let you continue to hurt them. I know- how monstrous that anyone would do that to a poor defenseless animal. But the question arises- does this mean that mute beasts -long deemed incapable of emotion by the scientific community- does this mean they too are capable of apathy? Does it mean they're capable of anticipating an event and it's outcome?

And does this mean that I'm now that dog? Have I finally given up?

Maybe I should have called this blog "What's the point".